Self Doubt

Self-doubt gets in my way.

A few years ago, I decided to give my self-doubt a name so I could talk to it. At the time self-doubt was a frequent visitor because I was considering a risky change in my career. Harvey was the first name that came to mind. Yeah, like Harvey Weinstein. I hesitated because I thought my doubt should have a woman’s name, but I circled back to Harvey because my self-doubt is a predator.

Distracts me, brings me down.

 Over the years I’ve had lots of advice about how to handle self-doubt.  Most of it helpful but the advice I rely on today was given to me nearly fifty years ago by Wilma Kuzners. She was what we would have called back then a tough broad and she was my boss for my first job in high school. She didn’t take crap from anybody. Fortunately, she liked me and shared her working woman advice.  She equated self-doubt with the devil. She advised that on those days when your doubt has you pinned down make an effort to look your best, and wear something that makes you feel good. Smile and get on with your day. Her message was not about beauty, it was about how to tap into your tenacity and resilience. Her message was don’t give in and don’t hide out. Eventually you’ll move past the doubt.

There is more to managing self-doubt, but I am from a generation that was told to suck it up when dealing with mental health issues. The strategy works for me because I see self-doubt as a normal but annoying emotion. Annoying because I get stuck and don’t take action. But on the plus side, my self-doubt balances any hubris that may creep into my psyche. So, I am okay with having to manage it.

 Thinking about my self-doubt, as a disgusting misogynist is a new perspective.

My updated strategy when self-doubt shows up: Don’t give in, be your best self, and shout (even if the shout is only in my head) – Not today, Harvey!”